the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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