I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i've created a new STD.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
