Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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