dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Semen is not good for contacts.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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