somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
