Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
