quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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