If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
