Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You have to summon your inner elephant
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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