OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
