areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How many fucks given?
0.12846
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
