thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
