I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
