Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
