Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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