Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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