I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
