I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
