Yo dont text me then not text me
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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