Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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