go do what you do best...puke behind churches
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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