I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
