double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
