??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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