I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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