I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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