yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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