***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
