Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I need moral support for this bender
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
