I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
