My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
