would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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