Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
