i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
