Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dignity is for republicans.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
