So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
