You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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