We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
