Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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