My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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