Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
