dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
