the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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