dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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