The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
