Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
