3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She tied me up with her honor cords...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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