I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
