I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
