That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
