wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
